The short answer: A funeral home will ask your family about twelve decisions, starting with who has the legal authority to decide and ending with how the bill gets paid. Answer them yourself, in your own words, in a funeral wishes template, and your family reads your wishes instead of guessing at them in a folding chair.
A funeral wishes template is a plain document that records those twelve answers before anyone needs them. If you’ve ever pieced together a parent’s funeral with no instructions at all, you already know what the gap costs; see no instructions from mom or dad for what that room looks like from the inside.
Who actually gets to decide, if you haven’t said anything?
In Washington, DC, DC’s law on disposition of remains sets a fixed order: a surviving spouse or domestic partner decides first, then adult children, then parents, then the next closest relative. Naming your own agent in a signed document overrides that order completely.
Check your own state’s default order before assuming it matches DC’s, and put the answer in writing regardless. Writing it down is also one of the calmer things to raise with your family before a crisis forces the conversation; see talking to family about living will decisions. If you’re the one who keeps the household’s paperwork straight, see help your executor before you die for what a signed document needs to hold up.
The 12 decisions, in the order a funeral home will ask them
A funeral home moves through nearly the same dozen questions with every family. Answer them ahead of time, and word each one so it’s usable, not just heartfelt.
- Who has the legal authority to sign for you. Write: “I authorize [name] to make and sign for my funeral and disposition decisions.” That sentence keeps DC’s order, or your own state’s, from making the choice for you.
- Burial or cremation. Write “burial” or “cremation” in plain words. “Whatever’s easiest” is the sentence that starts the guessing.
- A casket, or a cremation container. No state or local law requires a casket for cremation, and the FTC Funeral Rule requires any funeral home offering cremation to make a plain unfinished-wood, fiberboard, or cardboard container available. You can also buy a casket or urn elsewhere; the funeral home can’t refuse to use it or charge you extra for that. Write: “A basic container is fine” or name the one you’ve already chosen.
- Embalming, yes or no. The FTC Funeral Rule requires funeral directors to tell families that no state law requires routine embalming; refrigeration or a direct burial or cremation are legal alternatives in most cases. Write: “No embalming unless required by law for my specific circumstances.”
- A viewing, or no viewing. Write which one, and open or closed casket. Leaving this blank is what turns into a hallway argument.
- Where the service happens. A house of worship, a funeral home chapel, a park, your own backyard: name the place. For the shape of the service itself, see plan a funeral service for loved ones.
- Who leads it. Name a person: a religious leader, a celebrant, a close friend who speaks well. Write their name and how to reach them, not just their role.
- Obituary, flowers, and the other add-ons. For anything the funeral home arranges through a third party, an obituary notice, flowers, an officiant’s fee, the Funeral Rule requires the itemized bill to disclose if the home is keeping a commission or discount rather than passing through its actual cost. Write: “Keep the obituary and flowers simple” or name the paper and the amount you’d spend.
- Where you end up. A veteran with an honorable or general discharge is usually eligible for burial in a VA national cemetery; some discharge types and short service periods can affect eligibility, and an eligible veteran’s spouse can be buried there too, even after remarrying. VA burial benefits cover the gravesite, opening and closing, a government headstone, a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, all at no cost to the family. Write the cemetery name, or “VA national cemetery, I’m eligible,” and where that paperwork lives.
- Scattering, if cremated. Ashes scattered at sea have to go at least three nautical miles from shore under EPA rules, and whoever scatters them reports it to the EPA within 30 days; no permit is needed beforehand. Write “at least three miles offshore” or name the exact place on land you mean, since “somewhere he loved” isn’t a place anyone can find.
- Seeing the price list before agreeing to anything. Anyone who visits a funeral home in person can ask for its General Price List itemizing every good and service, and it’s theirs to keep; a family never has to accept a bundled package just to see what things cost. Write: “Ask for the General Price List before signing anything.”
- How it gets paid for. Prepaid funeral funds are regulated state by state, not by the FTC, and states differ on whether the money has to sit in a trust or an assignable life insurance policy; some offer little protection if the funeral home closes. Write where the money is, which account or policy, and who can access it.
Twelve answers, written in your own words, is the whole template. None of them need to be poetic. They need to be findable on the day someone needs them.
Frequently asked questions
Is a funeral wishes template the same as a will?
No. A will governs property after death; a funeral wishes template covers the practical decisions above, disposition, service, and payment, which a funeral home needs answered within days, often before a will is even read. Keep both documents, but don’t assume one covers the other.
Can a funeral home refuse a casket I bought online?
No. Under the FTC Funeral Rule, a funeral home cannot refuse to handle a casket or urn bought elsewhere, in a store or online, and cannot charge a fee for using it instead of one it sells. Ask to see this policy in writing if a funeral home pushes back.
Do I have to be embalmed before burial or cremation?
No state law requires routine embalming for every death, under the FTC Funeral Rule. Refrigeration, or moving directly to burial or cremation, is legal in most cases without it. Ask the funeral home which option applies to your specific circumstances.
How much does a funeral wishes template cost to set up?
Nothing has to. Myend’s funeral directive is free to start, holds all twelve answers in one place, and updates whenever your wishes change. Start a free funeral directive and give your family something to read instead of guess at.
This is general information, not legal, medical, or financial advice. Consult a licensed professional in your jurisdiction for guidance specific to your situation.
Last reviewed: September 2026
